Are you a teacher in grades pre-K through twelve, who is currently experiencing feelings of anxiety, confusion, and a general lack of motivation? Do you find yourself struggling to remember what day of the week it is? Or fighting an urge to run as you pass the school supply aisles at Walmart?
If so, you could be suffering from BTSD – Back-to-School Disorder.
BTSD is a serious condition affecting more than 3 million educators every year. Symptoms may include Netflix bingeing, frantically crossing things off of summer to-do lists, and angrily warning your children and spouse not to wake you up before nine because you “only have 2 more weeks to sleep in.” Additional symptoms may include actively avoiding checking your school email, refusing to look at a calendar, and having vivid nightmares about walking into a classroom naked. While some patients with BTSD suffer all summer long, many go undiagnosed until late July and early August, when rising levels of school supply ads on television make symptoms worse.
People suffering from BTSD are often misdiagnosed with a split personality disorder. They suffer from mood swings. They can often be seen perusing school supply ads with a gleam in their eyes, only to turn and throw the papers violently in the trash muttering, “Too soon!” They may talk excitedly about their plans to differentiate instruction this year, and then quite without warning, shake their head violently and turn and cannonball into the nearest pool.
If you or a loved one is struggling with BTSD, ask your doctor about Schoolabrex.
Schoolabrex is a once daily capsule that works with your body to prepare you for a smooth return to a normal school schedule. Thanks to Schoolabrex’s proprietary blend of all natural ingredients – including responsibly sourced tears of problem students, organic hand sanitizer, and Red Bull – teachers who took Schoolabrex reported an 80% reduction in the number of times they hit the snooze button during the first week of school. 60% of patients exhibited increased participation in icebreaker activities during in-service days, and some patients even reported feeling, “excited” about recess duty.
Schoolabrex is not for everyone. Do not take Schoolabrex if you are nursing, pregnant…or one of those annoyingly cheerful people who has been decorating your classroom all summer anyway. Do not take Schoolabrex if you take nitrates for chest pain, and ask your doctor about how Schoolabrex may interact with other medications you are taking. (Alcohol is okay.) While taking Schoolabrex, you should not drive or operate the copy machine until you know how Schoolabrex affects you.
In rare cases Schoolabrex can cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure and marathon trips to Staples. If you experience a trip to Staples lasting longer than 4 hours, get medical help right away.
Other common side effects may include:
Chest pain, dizziness, desire to urinate only when a bell rings, headache, dry mouth, nausea, addiction to coffee and/or Diet Coke, hallucinations, constipation, upset stomach, overwhelming desire to sharpen pencils, deepening of the voice (often called “teacher voice”), loss of vision, numbness or tingling in your hands or feet, and impulsive laminating. If you notice these or any new or worsening symptoms, please call your doctor.
Going back to school can be hard! Schoolabrex can help! Ask your doctor about Schoolabrex today!